I thought I saw the fog rolling
I thought I heard the waves crashing
I thought the moon was particularly nice tonight
And then I realized--
I am the fog
I am the waves
I am the moon.
Mind disease
An augmentation self-inflicted
Nature's own chemicals
Purposefully
Redirected
Into madness
Icy flames charge
Through the vertebrae
This dying flesh
Invigorated
Infectious
Over stimulating
Sweet torture
Where terrors are born
Scream
Cry from the inside
Where nobody hears
The noize of your darkness
Fragile hair shivers
Anticipating
Mind disease
A cellular overdrive
Self-injected
Sensation distributed
Order of the brain
Overpowered
Altering reality
An alternative
Superimposed
State of humanity
Cry
Weep from the inside
Tears of comprehension
That nobody can see
Tranquility in pain
An all-consuming apathy
When nothing exist
Nothing can be more
Beautiful than this but death
I wish to freeze this moment
For eternity
I wish to save each second
Enclose it in ice
And keep it for myself
Nothing can surpass this but death
This immaculate state
Of comprehension
The self without a reason
The body unseparated
The mind with no boundaries
In the exact instance
Between the now and then
I wish to die a thousand times
Over and over until the world ends
I wish to evaporate
To merge with time as it flows by
In the shards of sunlight
I wish to be pierced by them naked
To bleed out illusions
The fears that do not matter
To purify
My exhausted being
I found a place outside,
where I could be alone.
There's nowhere else to hide,
no place I can call "home".
The sky was crying with me,
cold rain was pouring down.
But suddenly it hit me
after I looked around.
Instead of lucid water
it was raining blood.
A liquid growing hotter
began forming a flood.
Blood was covering my feet,
slowly it reached my knees.
But how could I retreat?
I actually felt pleased.
The sky wasn't just crying,
it was wounded and it bled.
And together we were dying,
while sharing the same bed.
Desperate living
Under nature's wrath
Elements move
And push against each other
Squeezing soft tissues
Piercing the lungs
Crushing the heads
Of those that propagate
Desperate living
Conflict-torn landscapes
Blood flows within
And stains the unwanted
Children of heavens
Throats scream in pain
Limbs convulse
On the icy earth
Desperate living
At the edge of death
A race against time
In strive for survival
Chemicals propel
The self-destructive spiral
Delusions superimposed
In vain over matter
It's the noize
That fills all the senses
It’s the noize
That overrides
What's left of the soul
Split the skull
To bleed all waveforms out
Rip the heart
To make the beat of
Disruption stop
Life or death
The words do not matter
Noize fills all cracks
The worm-like substance
Digesting reality
It's the noize
The shapeless hostility
It's the noize
That pollutes nature
And falsifies the minds
The pain was so unbearable
I pushed it down
as far as I could
so I wouldn’t have to
feel it everyday
No one listened
I got disconnected
from myself
and my truth
..and each and
every time
I experienced
such bending
things I could
not share
I hid it
denied it
straining further
and further
from who I was
creating false selves
playing pretending
everyday
until last days
since this big
pile of pain
has grown
so gigantic
in the back
of my head
I can not sleep
I can not eat
discord sounds
death around
the corner
the darkness
the loneliness
existencial angst
so overwhelming
that I feel driven
to give trust
another try